


Intelligent By Design

by MagicalGirlAkasha



Series: What is this I don't even? [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, F/F, Gen, Genocider does not exist, I AM SORRY, It will make sense later, Junko has a different name in this AU, Multi, Parody, SHSL Swap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-02-28 03:52:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2717825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalGirlAkasha/pseuds/MagicalGirlAkasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Talentswap story.</p><p>The main point is, this is purely comedy (With some dramatic elements later)<br/>(Currently under construction.)</p><p>Want a Talentswap with well thought out characters, good pairings, and character development? Well, you're outta luck. This fanfic has none of those things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erm... This is a prologue?
> 
> Everyone is introduced. that's it.

"Call me Kyoko Kirigiri."

That was the first thing she said to the row of fifteen other students.

"Miss Kirigiri, You will sit next to Otonashi-san." The teacher said.

"Thank you. It has been a pleasure." She says, sitting down to the blond girl in pigtails.

"I can't believe we're getting you in our class! Take _that_ , class 77!" Otonashi-san says.

"Now, class, I believe we must introduce ourselves."

 

**(At this point, play High-Speed Physical Action from the DR anime.)**

 

"Understood!" A punk boy stands up, "My name is **Leon Kuwata, Ultimate Moral Compass**!"

"I am **Celestia Ludenburg** , and my talent is the **Ultimate Idol**."

"My name is **Makoto Naegi**... Do I have to?" ("Yes.", the teacher says) "Alright. I'm the **Ultimate Detective**."

"C-call me **Toko Fukawa**." A girl says, her hair several beautiful braids that join together. "I'm The **U-ultimate Gambler**."

Kyoo looked around, and noticed a familiar face.

"Y-you!" Kyoko said in horror, "You're-"

" **Byakuya Kirigiri, Ultimate Lucky Student**." The blond cut in, glaring at Kyoko.

"My name is **Kiyotaka Ishimaru**! I am the **Ultimate Soldier**!"

"Name's **Mondo Owada** , and I'm yer **Ultimate Baseball Star**."

"Call me the **Ultimate Writer**. My name is **Sayaka Maizono**."

" **Mukuro Ikusaba, Ultimate Programmer.** "

"I'm **Hifumi Yamada, Ultimate Swimming Pro**."

"Name's **Yasuhiro Hagakure** , and I'm the **Ultimate Fanfic Creator**."

" **Aoi Asahina. Ultimate Fashion Girl**!"

"My name's **Chihiro Fujisaki**... **Ultimate Martial Artist**."

"I am **Sakura Ogami. Ultimate Biker Gang Leader**."

"And I'm **Ryoko Otonashi**! I am the **Ultimate Clairvoyant**!"

Everyone store at Kyoko.

"Oh, right. My name is **Kyoko Kirigiri** , and my title is the **Ultimate Affluent Progeny**."

 

**(Music stops.)**

 

"What? Afflue-watsit?"

"Affluent means to be wealthy. Progeny means 'descendants'. So typically, speaking, I'm the heiress to the Kirigiri Corporation." Kyoko describes.

"Well, without further ado, Let our first lesson begin!" The teacher says. "My name is **Miss Usami**." The teacher, a young, blond, lady with a modest dress says.

 

(Cue the [intro](http://drpepperpepsi.tumblr.com/post/44936635442/junko-singing-to-the-dangan-ronpa-theme-yes).)

 

MEANWHILE, AT CLASS 77...

 

"Thank you, Miss Sonia. There's an extra seat between Nanami-san and Hinata-kun."

The blond girl, which we can no identify as Sonia, sits next to Hinata-kun and Nanami-san.

"Do you know all of these students, Miss Sonia?" The teacher asks.

"Yes. I looked them all up. Sonia says, and then asks a fluffy haired boy, "Komaeda-san, please put "Mastermind" on."

**(Komaeda-san pulls out a radio, and puts on that MSI song.)**

"Alright." Sonia says.

 

"That's **Nagito Komaeda** , the **Ultimate Musician**.

And **Hajime Hinata, the Reserve Course student.**

 **Chiaki Nanami,** the **Ultimate Yakuza.**

 **Mahiru Koizumi** is the **Ultimate Princess.**

 **Fuyuhiko Kuzuuryuu'** s the  **Ultimate Gamer.** ("NO SHIT!" Fuyuhiko yells)

 **Mikan Tsumiki** is the **Ultimate Swordswoman**.

The **Ultimate Photographer** is **Peko Pekoyama**.

 **Hiyoko Saionji** is the  **Ultimate Breeder.**

 **Ibuki Mioda** is the **Ultimate Traditional Dancer**. ("Alright!" Ibuki says, waving her rainbow kimono.)

 **Teruteru Hanamura** is the **Ultimate Mechanic**.

 **Nekomaru Nidai** is the **Ultimate Gymnast**.

 **Kazuichi Soda** is the **Ultimate Team Manager**!

 **The Ultimate Nurse** Is **Gundham Tanaka**!

 **Akane Owari** 's the **Ultimate Lucky Student**!

And that person is the **Ultimate Imposter**!

And lastly, My name is **Sonia Nevermind** , and I am the **Ultimate Cook**!"

 

**(The song ends.)**

 

"Well-" Sonia started.

 

**THAT'S ALL WE'VE GOT TIME FOR FOR THIS EPISODE! TUNE IN NEXT TIME!**

 

"But I-" Sonia jumped in.

 

**END OF PROLOGUE!**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this sucked. This was meant to be a parody of anime. Nonetheless, I... (Looks for a certain Musician) HOPE you enjoy what's to come of this wreck.
> 
> Next Time: "What drugs were you on!?"


	2. What drugs were you on!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoko and Jun-er, Ryoko, have a chat, Fuyuhiko and Akane play a game, and Leon goes on an epic quest to win Sayaka's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! You made it past the train-wreck of the prologue!? Amazing! Now leave, because this story is only going to get worse from here.

**([Intro](http://drpepperpepsi.tumblr.com/post/44936635442/junko-singing-to-the-dangan-ronpa-theme-yes) Again.)**

 

"So, Otonashi-san," Kyoko started, in an empty classroom, "How accurate are your predictions?"

"One-hundred percent!" Ryoko stated.

**(Text above her reads; This is what a liar looks like.)**

"Liar." Kyoko said.

"Oh really? Prove it!" Ryoko shouted.

"Fine. Look above you."

Ryoko read the still hovering text.

"I'm not a liar!" She stated, "If I was, that text would not be showing!"

"How does that even work!?"

 

**(Before we get a proper solution, we're changing scenes.)**

* * *

 

 

"This game's shit." Akane groaned.

"Fuck off!" Fuyuhiko yelled, "This is one of my favorite games!"

The game in question was Kingdom Hearts. Fuyuhiko was introducing it to Akane.

"It's the fucking Circle Button." Fuyuhiko stated, "On PlayStation 2, the X Button is always the jump button. That's the only thing I dislike about this game, and it's fucking unforgivable! THE JUMP BUTTON MUST ALWAYS BE THE X BUTTON! ANYTHING ELSE AND IT'S A FUCKING SIN!" With the way he said it, you wouldn't have thought it was one of his favorites.

At that moment, a heartless jumped out of presumably nowhere and killed Akane's character, Sora.

"YOU DIDN'T LOOK, DIPSHIT!" Fuyuhiko yelled.

"You were the one talking to me when I died!" Akane cried in defence.

 

* * *

 

 

Now, Leon Kuwata is a man of the rules. he sticks to them like a plank to a brick wall stuck with a hot glue gun. Breaking the rules leads to brutal punishment.

But fuck that shit! Let's see this dweeb try to win Sayaka's heart!

_(In the classroom, Sayaka is talking to Celeste. Leon pops out a locker.)_

 "Sayakaaaa..."

_(In the poolside, Sayaka is working out with Celeste. Leon bobs out the pool.)_

"Sayakaaaa..."

_(At the cafetiria, Sayaka is eating with Celeste. Leon comes out form under the table.)_

"SAYAKA MARRY ME GODDAMMIT!" he yelled.

And do you know what Sayaka said?

"No. F*** no. I'm with Celeste."

Hearts break.

 

* * *

 

"BYAKUYA-SAMAAAAAA!!!!" No prizes for who said  _that_.

 "What the eff do you want?" Byakuya asked the adorbs gambler. (Yes, we said 'Adorbs'.)

"I want you to have my babies." She said.

"...Get lost."

And so, Toko walked out.

"Kirigiri-kun's just too much of a pansy. He'll fall for you eventually." Kyoko said suddenly, popping out of nowhere.

"WTFDIDYOUCOMEFROM!?" Toko yelled, shocked.

"Just right this second."

"H-how do you know... That me and him will g-get together...?" Toko asked the Heiress.

"Because he's my half brother." Kyoko awnsered, "We had a competition to who would the the heir to the Kirigiri name. Byakuya-kun lost late into the competition, and I won, leaving me as the sole heiress to the Kirigiri throne. Of course, by sheer luck, he just happened to come here thanks to some dumb lottery."

**(You're not getting an explenation here. The end.)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this is going to be a series of skits.
> 
> Next time: You own me £100,000,000.


	3. You own me £100,000,000

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toko and Celeste place their bets on who's going to talk first, Sayaka pisses Chiaki off, And Fuyuhiko watches some Achievement Hunter videos. And Celeste Sings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for swearing, especially in the last skit.

[(Intro)](http://magicalgirlakasha.tumblr.com/post/104491074281/drpepperpepsi-junko-singing-to-the-dangan-ronpa)

 

"So, Celeste, b-between who's going to t-talk first, who do y-you think it will b-be?" Toko asked the Idol.

"I think Kirigiri-san will." Celeste told the Gambler.

"I'm g-guessing... O-Otonashi... Wanna h-have a b-bet?" Toko asked.

"Sure. How much are you wagering, Gambler?"

"£100,000,000"

"Then lets begin."

Kyoko and Ryoko took their seats.

Ryoko jabbed Kyoko's finger.

Kyoko looked at Ryoko.

Ryoko handed Kyoko a note.

Kyoko read the note.

Kyoko glared at Ryoko.

Ryoko smiled to herself, "Yes!"

"...I win." Toko said, "You own me £100,000,000."

Celeste took out the money from her bag and handed it to Toko, "They don't call you the Ultimate Gambler for nothing, I see."

 

* * *

 "SHIT! KIRIGIRI!"

Sayaka Maizono was running for dear life as she heard Chiaki Nanami chasing her.

"YOUWILLPAYFORWHATYOUSAIDABOUTMYGIRLFRIENDYOULITTLEFUCKINGWHOREFACEISWEARTOGODYOUAREGONNADIETHEMOSTPAINFULDEATHICANIMAGINEYOULITTLEFUCKINGBITCH!!!"

The translation of that is: "You will pay for what you said about my girlfriend, you little fucking whoreface! I swear to god you are gonna die the most painful death I can imagine, you little fucking bitch!!!"

"I'M SORRY!" Sayaka yelled as she ran across the corridor. Leon was asleep.

"YOUDON'TDESERVETOBESORRY!" Chiaki yelled. (You don't deserve to be sorry!)

Sayaka tripped.

Chiaki ran past her.

"I've got you now, Otonashi-san!" Chiaki yelled, grabbing her by the collar.

Sayaka sighed in relief.

* * *

 

"OH, MY GOD!" "Ten seconds..." "You fucking made him a unicorn! You killed him in TEN SECONDS!"

Fuyuhiko Kuzuyruu was wasting his time watching Achievement Hunter Videos. Secifically, the Rage Quit section. They always made him laugh, just because he could relate himself to Michael.

He watched another.

"DO NOT FUCKING MAKE ANYMORE LEVELS!"

And another.

"SWISS FUCKING CHEESE GODDAMMIT!"

And another.

"Space is fucking stupid."

"Kururyuu!," Miss Monomi said, turning off the computer, "Videos will rot your brain."

Fuyuhiko made a swear to kill her later.

* * *

 

"So that's why we want you to sing, Celes-san." Kyoko said.

"Very well." And Celeste got up on the stage, and took out a microphone.

And then, she filled the hallways with her wonderful music;

_**"WHORE! FUCK! ASS! SHIT! CUNT! FUCK! DICK!** _

_**YOU THINK THAT'S THE WORST, WELL YOU FAGGOTS DON'T THINK!** _

_**I'LL RIP YOUR FUCKING LEGS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR CUNT!** _

_**I'M THE FUCKING TALLEST OF ALL YOU FUCKING RUNTS!** _

_**YOU WANNA FUCK ME? WELL TOO FUCKING BAD!** _

_**I'LL RIP YOUR FUCKING DICK OFF AND FUCKING STAMP ON YOU LIKE MAD!** _

_**YOU THINK THAT'S ALL, WELL GUESS WHAT BITCHES!? IT AIN'T!** _

_**YOU GUYS HAVE THE PATIENCE OF A MOTHERFUCKING SAINT!** _

...And that's it." Celeste said, smiling.

"Disqualified." Ryoko said, pushing a button that sent Celeste falling through a trapdoor.

"That's a good name for an execution." Kyoko chirped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, sorry it was so long. I'm not dead! Yay!  
> P.S. I'M WORKING ON THE NEXT CHAPTER OF BAGOHP DON'T WORRY!


	9. Annoucement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT AN OFFICIAL CHAPTER  
> Ryoko announces the change of the fic.

(Ryoko gets on the stage)

"Ahem, Okay guys, I've got good news and bad news. While most people want to hear the bad stuff first, I'll start with the good news.

First, Intelligent By Design has NOT been abandoned, and infact, the author has several ideas for it.

Bad news: She's now going to make everything a single story rather than four/three, like in the previous two episodes.

So, I hope you can forgive us for this, and we'll be back... sometime. We're not too sure."

(Ryoko walks off)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making you wait and giving you this.


	10. In which Fuyuhiko gets angry, and Kyoko sorts it out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we're back!  
> In which Kyoko proves how much of a dick she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Key:  
> FuckGaming: Fuyuhiko  
> RicherThanThou: Kyoko

**[(Intro).](http://magicalgirlakasha.tumblr.com/post/104491074281/drpepperpepsi-junko-singing-to-the-dangan-ronpa) **

**FuckGaming:**  Fuck Dubstep. FUCK IT RIGHT IN KOMAEDA'S ASS!

 **RicherThanThou:** Erm, may I ask, why?

 **FuckGaming:** FUCKING KOMAEDA KEEPS PLAYING THAT ONE FUCKING SONG OVER AND OVER! I'M GOING INSANE!!!

 **RicherThanThou:** What song is it?

 **FuckGaming:**  I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE FUCKING LYRICS! FUCKING BASTARD-

 **RicherThanThou:** Okay, Kuzuryuu-kun, calm down. Maybe I can help.

 **FuckGaming:** It's just finished. But he's gonna play it again. I feel it in my bones- **FUCKING FUCK MY DEAD BON-**

 **RicherThanThou:** KUZURYUU-KUN!

 **FuckGaming:** WHAT!?

 **RicherThanThou:** Look, I'm coming to help you, so don't start foaming, okay?

 **FuckGaming:** FSDHAJKGHUIORBTHRJKANHVUABHWEGTKJEBV8YHRNGIOHWRG9

 **RicherThanThou:** Komaeda-kun, please turn your music off. It's pissing off your fellow classmate.

 **FuckGaming:** JNAJONGAENRHONAEIGE... Huh? SILENCEYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **RicherThanThou:** See? I helped you!

 **FuckGaming:** Gee... Thanks for saving my ass back there, woman.

 **RicherThanThou:** Now you owe me £1000,000.

 **FuckGaming:** The FUCK!?

 **RicherThanThou:** You heard me. I helped you, so hand over the cash. NOW.

 **FuckGaming:** FUCKING FUCK YOU KIRIGIRI!

 **RicherThanThou:** Komaeda-kun, put that music back on!

 **FuckGaming:** ALRIGHT! FINE! HAVE YOUR FUCKING CASH!

 **RicherThanThou:** Thank you! ^_^

 **FuckGaming:** I'm going back to my dorm...

 **RicherThanThou:** Yeah. You should. And never come out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're going to get help from the Ultimate Affluent Progeny, expect a cost. A very big cost.


	11. Auditions II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nagito sings. Is he more friendly than Celeste? Will Kyoko accept him? Will you like this? All signs point to "Fuck no."

[(Intro).](http://magicalgirlakasha.tumblr.com/post/104491074281/drpepperpepsi-junko-singing-to-the-dangan-ronpa)

"How about you, Komaeda-san?" Kyoko asked. It had been almost two months since Celeste sang her song, and she was hoping that Nagito was at least child friendly.

Nagito said nothing, as he got up, turnesd his machine on, and sang.

_**"YOU WANNA FUCK WITH MEEEEEEEEE** _

_**YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT-ABOUT MEEEEEEE** _

_**yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah....** _

_**FUCKING LOSE IT!** _

_***Epic Dubstep goes here*** _

_**FUCK THIS WHORE SIDEWAYS BITCH!** _

_***More epic Dubstep*** _

  _ **I NEVER KILLED SOMEONE, I WANNA DO IT NOW!**_

_**I NEVER FUCKED SOMEONE, I'M GONNA DO IT NOW!** _

_**FUCK AND KILL HER! KILL AND FUCK HER!** _

_**'WOMEN ARE NOTHING BUT WHORES!'** _

_**IF YOU DARE SAY THAT, YOU BETTER SHOOT YOURSELF!** _

_**CAUSE I LOVE HER! AND SHE'S BADASS!** _

_**SHE'LL MURDER YOU! SHE'LL AVENGE US!** _

_**NOWHERE TO RUN NOW, BITCH!?** _

_**FUCK YOU!** _

_***Even more epic Dubstep*** _

...That's all there is." Nagito said.

"Well, we thought you were different, and you were." Kyoko said calmly.

Then, after a moment of silence, she shouted, "YOU WERE FUCKING WORSE!" and slammed the button, causing Nagito to fall under a trapdoor.

"Man, but that's all the music people we got!" Ryoko protested, "Why'd you punish him?"

"Not all of them..." Kyoko said, "If there's one person who knows about modern society, it's a certain Lucky Student..."

 


	13. Band

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did you know Nagito Komaeda and Celestia Ludenburg are friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in school, and instead of work, I did this.  
> Enjoy.

Nagito got out of the garbage pit, where he had been dumped after his disqualification a chapter or two ago.

"I see you got disqualified as well." A voice said.

A recognisable one.

"C-Celeste-san... you too?" Nagito asked the Idol.

"Yes... back in episode 3." Celeste said bluntly.

"You know, I think you performed well back there, with all your enthusiasm there..." Nagito confessed.

"You know what? I also think you performed well. Your lyrics were stale, but your MUSIC, god, I would kill to get all that technology you have!" Celestia confessed.

"...Wanna join me?" Nagito proposed.

"Gladly. I was gonna say the same thing." Celeste declared, "Let's show those two what true music is!"

And so, Nagito Komaeda and Celestia Ludenburg were now officially music buddies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why isn't there enough KomaCeles?


	19. We're working!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Celeste plays Dubstep over and over.

"Celeste-san! We're working!"

Celeste had played 'Bangarang' for three times, and had started up 'Rock and Roll will take you to the mountain'. As you can see, Celeste liked Dubstep a lot.

"But Dubstep is good!" She'd cut in.

"Put the Cinema remix on! The bass drop on that one is fucking awesome!" Ryoko begged.

"No! Eno-Err, Otonashi, we are supposed to work." Mukuro responded, working away on her computer.

"Eno..." Kyoko mouthed that word silently. Was there something about Ryoko and Mukuro that she didn't know?

No. Couldn't be.

"CELESTE! TURN THAT SONG OFF NOW!" A voice roared. Leon's.

"And why should I?" She asked.

Leon objected, "Because everyone hates it!"

"Not me. Dubstep is the way of the future."

Leon argued with Celeste for a few minutes, until Leon gave up.

"Fine. Carry on."

Celeste kept playing, and nobody got any work done.


	20. Laying around.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat based on what happened today. Sorta.

Ryoko lay down on the floor of the gymnasium, remembering her traumatic run.

Ryoko Otonashi was never athletic. She had to run through the whole field of Hope's Peak, as well as the forest, which had a pathway leading around the building, and she got 16th place, out of 20. (Kyoko, Byakuya, Makoto, Mukuro, and Sayaka were slower than her, in that order, and even then, she was barely faster than Kyoko.)

Anyways, she had no water, (She sprayed it in Mondo's face when he mocked her fortune telling skills.), was starving, and was cold (Although it was a sunny day, and she left her coat back in the dorm.

When she ran, she thought it would be the shortest race, due to it being last. It was actually the _longest_ race, MUCH to Ryoko's horror. It was pure torture, from beginning to end, and Ryoko believed that she would die. She didn't, but she might as well have.

Miss Usami walked past her.

"Are you dead?" She asked Ryoko.

"Might as well be." She responded.

"Well, you need to get changed. Lunchtime starts in four minutes."

Ryoko got up, and set for the changing room upstairs.


	21. Legal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kiss is shared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, two kisses. Sorry.  
> Rated T for Kissing.  
> I'm at school. Again. I'm a bad girl.

Kyoko was passing through the lockers, when she saw a figure.

Makoto's.

Kyoko stepped forward.

He was kissing someone.

Mukuro? No. She was single. Celeste? No.

She stepped forward some more.

He was kissing Byakuya.

Kyoko froze. She heard the two speak softly.

"Kirigiri-kun..."

"Call me Byakuya! I'm not a Kirigiri anymore!"

"Sorry... Byakuya-kun..."

Kyoko walked away.

"Same-sex Kissing is legal!" A voice called out, as Ryoko jumped out and threw herself on Kyoko.

The two shared a kiss. Much to Kyoko's chargin.

Welp, that didn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Bet you didn't expect that, huh?  
> Anyways, I wanted to write some Naegami for a while. Plus some Kirishima, for good measure.  
> Sorry for my sucker.


End file.
